Who has the most fangirls?
by Zodiac Sefirosu
Summary: When Zack manages to steal quite a few of the SOLDIERs' fangirls, they see who can win back more than the other two.


This was done for the three SOLDIERs' clubs contest for which of the three First-class SOLDIERs have the most fangirls over at Deviantart. All of these characters belong to Square Enix.

* * *

Zack Fair happily made his way through Shinra tower, not heading in any particular direction. Unfortunately for him, he noticed whispering before the eyes peering at him from various hiding places and soft, girly squeals and giggles. He headed towards the source of the whispering and found Sephiroth, Angeal, and Genesis huddled together in a circle and whispering to themselves.

"Something must be done about this." His mako-enhanced ears managed to pick up from Genesis.

"Indeed." He heard from Sephiroth. "They are slowly, but surely, converting to his side."

"I do not see why we should care." Angeal said. "They were just a nuisance to us before. I would say that he's doing us a favor."

"Yes, but they belonged to _us_." Sephiroth replied possessively.

"Hey guys!" Zack said cheerfully to the group. "Whatcha talking about?"

The group in question turned their heads toward him with glares pointed at him and muttered something among themselves before moving away from him and whispering amongst themselves again. Zack followed them and the process continued several more times until he finally got the hint that they did not want him around and he walked down a hallway with a dejected air around him. When he reached the end of the hallway, a scream brought the group's attention back to him as they witnessed several teenage girls throw a net over him and drag him past the corner, yelling for anyone to help him as they went.

"You see?" Sephiroth hissed. "We should be the ones that group of fangirls try to kidnap, not the puppy!"

"How many has he converted so far?" Angeal asked.

"I've had Hojo do some research on it and I'll have him tell us the results." The redhead informed the group.

The mad scientist stepped out of a dark corner of the room, ignoring Sephiroth's questions like "Where did he come from?" and "Has he been there the whole time?" He instead turned to the group, focusing slightly on the silver-haired warrior. "According to the information I managed to dig up, Zack's fan club numbers are massively increasing by the day. When I checked yesterday, the numbers were OVER NINE THOUSAND!"

"Um, okay." Genesis said, not quite sure why he would scream it. "That is all we needed. Please leave now."

Hojo prepared to head out through a hallway, but grabbed some of Sephiroth's hair on the way and sniffed it. "Vanilla today, hm?" He said, then whispered in a voice inaudible to him, "The fangirls you have left will be pleased with this information." He then released Sephiroth's hair and left the room.

"Well, that was mildly disturbing." Genesis remarked.

Sephiroth, on the other hand, reacted a bit differently. "What do you mean _mildly _disturbing? The creep sniffed my hair!"

"Moving on, how did he manage to steal so many of our fan girls, though?" Angeal inquired, eager to change the topic as soon as possible.

"Sephiroth had me try to see what the puppy was doing on a daily basis to see how he was attracting so much female attention. I found a little blonde cadet he is fond of and bribed him to carry around a camera and film Zack."

"Hang on, Genesis, what did you bribe the kid with?" The black-haired man butted in.

"Chocolate. Apparently, he has a sweet tooth, but it's hard getting the really good stuff on a cadet's budget. Anyway, Zack took it as filming their fun adventures together or something like that and let him. So, I reviewed the tapes and it seems practically anything he does seems cute in the fangirls' eyes. I believe you know what this means, gentlemen. In order to get our fangirls back, we must be cuter than Zack."

"By the gods, is that even possible?" Sephiroth asked, dumbfounded on how they could pull it off.

"Well, we all know it is an impossible feat for you." Angeal told him.

"Oh, as if you're made of cuteness and rainbows."

"At least I don't try to decapitate anyone that touches me!"

"Now, now, gentlemen. We all know that I am the cutest one among us." The redhead of the group said with a grin.

This comment caused the other two in the group to burst out laughing. "You, cute?" Sephiroth exclaimed, causing him to laugh even more. "Sorry, Genesis, but I don't think girls think reading a book all day, every day is cute." Angeal commented.

Genesis pouted at that. "Alright, fine. We'll each try to win our fangirls' hearts with cuteness in our own way. We meet tomorrow at three in the lobby. I hear the puppy has an appointment there at that time. Whoever has the most fangirls on their side including the ones we still have at four will enjoy wrapping the other two up and presenting them to their fanclubs."

"Hm, that sounds fair." Sephiroth said.

"For once, I have to agree." Angeal said right after him.

"Good. I guess I'll see you two at three tomorrow then." Genesis said before the three men parted ways, each heading to their own room to think.

* * *

"You have got to be freaking kidding me!" Genesis exclaimed a day later while standing right outside the lobby. "I can't believe we all chose to win them over like this!" He said while angrily flapping his arms that had dark green feathers layered over red ones that matched his hair hanging from them. Aside from that, he had tail feathers attached to his waist that matched the ones hanging from his arms and had his hair done up like the crest of a bird.

"At least we didn't choose the same animal." Angeal said through the fake puppy snout over his mouth while adjusting the black puppy tail that was attached to his own waist before examining the puppy ears on his ruffled hair.

"We could even show an example of a food chain while we're doing this." Sephiroth muttered, slightly mortified to be doing this as he flicked the silver cat tail he had put on along with the silver cat ears and whiskers.

"Well, who's going in there first?" Genesis asked, not eager to be the first to put himself in front of what was probably a swarm of fangirls.

"I was under the impression we would be doing this at the same time." Angeal complained.

"Hang on," Sephiroth said, picking up a large cardboard box that was conveniently near them. "I have an idea."

Meanwhile, the crowd of fangirls were waiting in the lobby of the tower, trying to see where Zack was. A knock at one of the doors caught the attention of a small section of them and one of them opened it, immediately letting out a squeal of delight that caught the rest of the group's attention once she saw what was in it. Inside the box that had the words 'Adopt us' on the front were the three First-class SOLDIERs, dressed up as animals and each putting on their best cute face, though Sephiroth looked more like an animal looking for an escape. The squealing teens immediately grabbed them and began passing them around, some of them fighting to hold their favorite SOLDIER.

"Dear Gaia, please not the hair." Sephiroth pleaded as seemingly infinite pairs of hands reached out to touch him, the other two SOLDIERs in equal levels of discomfort.

"Hey Cloud." Zack said to the blonde walking next to him as he saw the scene in the lobby.

"Yeah, Zack?" The teen asked in reply while pulling a piece of gourmet chocolate out of a bag he was carrying.

"You still have that camera Genesis gave you, right?" He said while pulling a piece of chocolate out of Cloud's bag akin to how someone watching a movie intently would reach into a container of popcorn.

"Yeah." He said as he handed the camera to his friend.

"Thanks." He said as he began filming what was essentially a group of fangirls ripping apart their respective idols. "Good thing I can play even cuter than I normally can or else I wouldn't be getting this blackmail right now. Hey Hojo," He directed towards the other man who came to watch the show. "How many fangirls do each of them have right now?"

"Hm…" Hojo hummed while typing away on what looked to be an old accounting machine. "If I have counted right, which I have, their fanclub numbers are completely equal now."

"Oh well, you still owe me ten gil, Chocobo." Zack said with a triumphant grin to the cadet next to him. "I told you I can get Seph to humiliate himself in the name of his fangirls."

Cloud grumbled to himself as he handed over the gil to his older friend. "At least I got something out of this." He said as his mouth watered at the bag in his hand.

"We have also learned two lessons today. One, don't make a bet with me, and two, don't get between a SOLDIER and their fangirls." Zack said jokingly as he continued filming the SOLDIERs that ended up losing their own contest due to an equal amount of their fans eager enough to touch them that they would literally rip their clothes off accidentally in the process.


End file.
